i dont make loose thoughts or dream up naive statements on life. I say what i mean and feel at the time. Basically i dont say things I have to later apologize for or regret saying.

My mother is the type of women who enjoys sweeping all her shit under the carpet. She neatly folds her secrets and hurts into the secret storage bin hidden under our horrible green couch and i just despise it. She doesnt want to talk about anything at all and the idea of patronizing me probably repulses her. She wants to teach me how to make a skirt but only tells me vague instructions while i would appreciate it if she just did it the proper way. I yell at her for being inconsiderate and she brushes me off or even worse complains that everyones giving her a bad time. She wants to save me from depression and possible suicide but doesnt ask me how i feel and leaves me in a house all day and sometimes I get so mad about it. I just cant mentally grasp how you could let something like that happen again. Not like myfathers death was her fault. But i get it now. She is not the women thats meant to deal with these kind of things. Shes just not compatible. So when my father wrote that my mom would move on and be fine without him he probably had a good idea there. Sometimes i just want my mom to run after me when i cry and run away or notice what a shitty year ive had and take me on an awesome trip to somewhere. Sometimes i want her to baby me....cause she's never done it. Sure my mom isnt a heartless bitch who never gave me a hug but from an early age she let me walk in the mall by myself and tell me to stop crying for her while she was in texas. I just feel that one day she'll regret it all especially now with all this John bullshit. because maybe ill do what i want and go to California for college