brooklyn, you make it so hard to love you. too hard.

you know those days where you sit on tumblr for hours aimlessly scrolling through pictures of beautiful people, mosh pits, piercings and tattoos?

those days are the worst. It's actually kind of pissing me off.

I never EVER meet interesting people and when i do see them at the random little shows and festivals I go to it's almost like I'm seeing a ghost. Like I'm seeing Marilyn Monroe get up from the dirt and dust her boobs off. It's nice to look at but I know it will never be real because people like that don't talk to me and don't even bother looking my way. So what exactly am I supposed to do?

Call me a girl but at this exact moment I'm feeling very weak and distant. I'm scared that there won't be any breakthrough for me, I mean really I have nothing but my will keeping my strong. No one likes the same shit I do. Sometimes I wonder if me trying is really going to make a difference in the long run. And on top of that I'm feeling pretty damn ugly. I'm no where near skinny and you know what? I could give a shit less because when the apocalypse hits I will survive longer than most of the world because i have fat deposits to live on. But when all these good looking guys are half my waistline I can't help but feel like a huge glutenous whale. My hairs not edgy enough, my face isn't cool enough. No wonder they don't like anywhere near my vicinity.

But whatever when my birthday comes. Change will come with it and by change I mean appearance. It's one thing to feel like complete shit, it's another to FEEL that you look like shit on top of it. Bring on the bleach and the razors...I can't stand this pitiful self -doubt any longer.

haha. yes, this is how i talk in real life.Sarcasm included.