Dear Me,

I'm writing this because I just finished reading "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower" and I thought it would be nice way of summing things up. It's funny because even though I don't always talk the way Charlie does in the book I certainly think about it. I'm always asking myself if I'm really there and wondering if people are feeling things but that's not the point. Today was the last day of classes so technically school is over now except I have a chemistry regent to take on Wednesday although I wish I wasn't. One of my friends, Chelsea wasn't in school because she's been in St.Lucia for the past couple of days and missed out on the last day of school and such. I don't think I miss her because she can be quite abrasive but the schools a lot lonelier without her and I can't be as insane in the hallways without knowing she's around. So it was just me and Amanda which really wasn't all that great. Still I cut my two last classes and went home. Day Successful. I've been feeling really lonely the past couple of days. I feel the friend drifts already and it isn't even summer. I guess that's how it is though since soon I'll be a Senior and that will be a regular feeling. I feel the urge to go out on my own and just do my own thing. I'm thinking about asking my mom to let me go see Tokyo Police Club and Passion Pit at the end of the month. I could care less whose standing next to me. So I think I'll go it alone. Today i saw an old friend of mine. Her name is Shanice and for about a year she was my best friend. The best friend I ever had. I saw her walking with Christian, a boy who seems to become "besties" with all the girls who I've become close with. I said hi and it was nice. Half of me hoped she would want to hang out but she didn't ask and maybe that's good because people change and I don't want to feel awkward or feel the bell jar. I called Kristin because I wanted to go to her house since it was still early and she lived close by but she gave me a one word "nah" and that was the end of that.I don't really know how i feel these days I just hope that in the future things are better. I kind of invited Amanda to this local show near my house. It would be fun and maybe she could sleep over. But for some reason I just want to be alone. And I feel that having her around would make me feel angry. I want to take some pictures since I look pretty spicy but then again I never like the way I look in pictures so maybe i won't. I think I'll just watch this movie I got from blockbuster; It's called "Peter and Vandy" or something like that and it's a romance. I love watching romance movies. They make me feel alright.

-B