the realization(s)

I never thought I'd feel this way. I never thought I'd be a free bird. I never knew that an individual could suddenly become so self aware.

I've been treating myself lately. Sitting on the beach at the edge of the water when I should be in school just taking it all in and listening to some music. I ate an amazing omelet and tried kombucha for the first time (tasted disgusting) while waiting to pick up a master cd for hellogoodbye's upcoming record. Rather then sitting in a dingy chair in school I sent Forrest Kline a vinyl, I sent Christofer Drew his fan mail. I made sure that You,Me, And Everyone We Know got exactly what they needed on tour. I'm not saying I'm a slacker. I'm saying that sometimes you just have to feel free and live. For once in my life I wasn't afraid or ashamed of being alone. I was proud and resolute. I never thought that i'd be the girl who followed her heart. Never thought I'd be the girl to brave the storms but suddenly I am.

It's not as hard as I thought. Suddenly going to shows alone really isn't a big fucking deal. I'm exhausted but I'm content in the fact that I walk the halls alone;that there's some sort of issue at hand but I don't care because I'm free. I talk a lot more. I'm not afraid of putting myself out there. I'm completely fine with hanging out with someone I barely know. For the first time in years I think I could say yes if someone nice asked me on a date.

It's been exhausting but it's also been one of the greatest periods of my life.

So it is in this time that I decided to follow my heart and feel completely free. I decided that I wanted to be completely unknown and small. I wanted to just be in silent awe of what the world has to offer. Which is why I plan on going to Italy for a little while as a graduation gift to myself after June. I want to go to Verona and I want to take a million pictures on a respectable camera. I want to meet someone,eat good food, and walk around in the unknown. I want to look at the balcony that Juliet supposedly stood on in a time simpler than the one we live in. It's not a fake dream or a false claim. I have the full intention on going, the approval, and I'm mapping out a schedule already.

Italia.