I feel so trapped in every way.

I feel sick with anxiety and riddled with disdain.

everything i worked for has been acheived and yet I'm still here

I love music so much that I cry and my heart aches for it but I have to wonder what it is I'm doing sometimes.

I bend over backwards, I skip lunch, I get used up until I can no longer help myself for it.

I am a cow that is continously milked, patted on the head occasionally, and always used.

At any chance I get I've been locking down.

Staying in my room. Sleeping. Listening to La Dispute and trying to make the days longer with my mind.

I'm so sad and tired but I don't complain.

This is what I asked for right?

If I don't want to do something then that settles it.

But I can't just up and quit.

The seams are too tight and the beadwork has already been made.

There's things I want to do.

But god, I just don't even know who the hell I am sometimes.

I'm trapped into remaining distant.

Trapped into working like a dog for nothing.

Trapped into biting my tongue and smiling when cued.

Sometimes I wonder if this feeling will pass.

But part of me knows that it wont....not this time.