The thing about life is that it never stops and I think this is why suffering is so painful and why people can be so cruel. You cry and you burn on the inside but there's still school, and work, and friendships, and people smiling in your face when you don't even want to be breathing. I feel like crying but I have shit to mail or I have a project due. That's what life is really. Some see it as a good thing as in "there's always another day". But more than anything in my low points I wish for things to stop for a bit....for time to stop and let me cry. I want to feel my failure and I don't want the minutes to pass, I don't want people to continue walking down the street, and I don't want the motion of life to keep on moving. I just want to feel for a second.

I'm terrified. Rejection, rejection, rejection. I keep getting rejected from these schools and it makes me want to cry and I have. A girl who can barely squeeze out any tears is now indulging and dry heaving and rubbing her puffy eyes. Because I failed myself. I'm ashamed.

I'm tired of feeling this way and opening up this blog and pouring in the same recycled thoughts with new dates. I hate talking and at this moment I hate myself.

And I want time to just fucking stop for a second. I want no inch of optimism. I just want to lay here for a second.

Till next time.