My life has been changing. I think that I'm changing as well. I'm adapting and growing.I remember when I used to look at merch people and think of them as people who were lucky or priveleged. Someone supremely cool and then there I am in a tour van with a tour manager talking Circa Survive and Anthony Green. She's smoking an electric cig...I'm drinking an iced coffee and we're both just relating.
We're hanging out with the very best friends and tour fam for We The Kings, Chelsea Grin, and Valencia....just being friendly. I'm riding in the back of a golf cart now through the Meadowlands holding onto nothing but a box of EPS.....is this my life? I am the street team coordinator making sure things get done. I am loved and have infected people twice my age with my work and now they want me for more. I don't feel useless at all.
So here I fucking am shaking hands with countless people....wearing my laminate on my carabiner with pride. Exchanging numbers with Jason...shaking hands with Jared and laughing at hardcore kids. I am talking music with Gino....i'm realizing how easy it is to talk about music. I feel accepted and proud of myself. Fuck I am only 17.
it's just nice when after 3 and a half years of being miserable, debating suicide on the most routine schedule, sighing countless times, wishing to be someone/somewhere else, and feeling like life was just fucking oppressive to feel reborn. And yeah, I know maybe it was just a good week at Bamboozle but I don't think it is. It just felt right. I'm home.
Next stop love.
this makes me so friggin happy you have no idea.
ReplyDeletewhenever you feel lonely or that there isn't hope and you have no one, remember that there is a tiny asian girl way out on the west coast that believes in you more than anyone.
you will // are doing amazing things in your life. don't stop believing in the music. in your passion. ever.
much love.
x