I remember feeling like this. like I hated nearly everyone.
like I hated myself as well in many ways.
I haven't felt this way for longer than a day since I was 15/16 and it's a terrible feeling, to be so fucking annoyed all the time.
To realize that in reality you loathe the people you hang out with for so many reasons. You hate girl 1 for being so goddamn abrasive, loud, and just fucking out there. un-private and harsh. Sometimes it's like I wish I could say "good bye" let's just fucking move on and stop pretending but then you realize that you must sit next to girl 1 until June so you shut the fuck up and bear it.
To everyone else for being so unrelatable.
To the entire fucking facebook community......I can hardly log on before being bombarded with shit that really boggles my mind. To people complaining, venting about shit I don't care about, so on and so forth. Sometimes I seriously have no love towards this generation of spoiled pricks. Where are the music lovers and the believers? I used to be so loving and now I really am not at all. I'm under layers of fucking hurt and betrayal and anxiety and I don't think I'll come back.
I don't want to share with these people. I don't want to do normal things with them. I seriously want to hang out with no one in the New York City area on my birthday. I am going to my favorite spot and just sitting there.... I am sorry. I cannot.
And I hate it. I loathe it. I crave for the days when I had a sister. I miss sleeping over and laughing and eating way to much. I miss sitting on those steps and just loved and being loved by a friend. I miss being free and uninhibited. Uncaged....free to hug and share experiances.
But that's over now and i have yet to find one person I wish to get to know me. REALLY know me. To know all the things in this blog and to know that I even have a blog. Someone I want to spend time with.
It sickens me how goddamn bitter I am sometimes. I am the unloving.
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