sometimes you just want time to stop and freeze. It can be because you're happy, so much that you think you will never be sad again. You can want time to freeze because you finally got that one person to love you and say it. You can also want time to freeze because it's all gone too bloody fast and you're head can't take in everything that's happening.

I know now that even if you bottle the good times the reality will find a way to take out the spark but that realization has left me scared...

here I am. 18 and graduating in a number of days. This is what I waited for right? The fifteen year old girl that wrote on this exact blog wanted to escape and couldn't wait for this day but right now I don't feel like I thought I would. On that ship out on the New York harbor something began to shift in me. It wasn't a sudden sadness or a thought of "oh shit, this is it. I better cry about the good times", it was more of awareness. I didn't feel the same way on there because I realized that people could change and grow. I'm on that boat and I'm learning to dance to Spanish music and talking to a guy that I never thought even cared. I'm watching this evolution right before my eyes. I no longer feel resentment for people. I only wish that I had just let them be what they were and not tried to fit an empty spot in my heart labeled "BFF". I feel different. Then fast forward and it's the night before the official last day of school and I'm here freaking out in my head about it and then freaking out because I'm freaking out in the first place.

It's just so scary because I know that the comfort zone is about to leave my side and try as I might I know that I am NOT the "take risks" kind of girl. I'm the "talk to myself in front of a mirror, breathe calmly, give myself a pep talk and then take 1/566 of a risk" kind of girl.

So here's to time rushing by and you just standing there fucking questioning where it all went and who you even are.