today was...idk
First period i vented my soul to someone i sit next to in Spanish every morning and i got so mad and frustrated. The funny thing is that at the end of my little vent all she could say is "wow....i don't know what to say".
Throughout the day i felt like shit again. The edge is cut off a little bit by the pill but in a way i can still feel it, like it's there but I'm being dulled to my feelings or something.

i was positive for maybe 24 hours but now that I'm thrust back into this whole schedule.
i just feel like i can't deal. I'm thinking way too much...

I told one of my friends i was transferring next year and she didn't even have the courtesy to ask me why or where i was thinking of going next year.


I had a make up test correction thing and my math teacher was nice enough to let me do it after school because i was completely out of it yesterday and i couldn't stand it. I sat at my desk for about 2 minutes and when he turned around i ran out the room. I don't want to do homework. I don't want to do anything. It's not laziness either it's something else.


i don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. I'm anticipating a mental breakdown. All i can think of is the fact that i felt SOOOOO much better in the psych ward. it was consistent i could deal in that place, and at the end i almost felt at home. I just need one person right now as i always have and theres no options....

i just feel this whole cycle shit repeating. Over and over again. be regular. Get sad. More sad. Depressed. Suicidal. Hospital. small amount of happiness. Anxiety and confusion. Depression. Repeat.

I'm sorry. i know this sounds like shit.....
thanks to the small amount of comments and things i got. I honestly appreciate it.