Dear Whoever listens,

I'm writing this letter to say I'm the most complicated individual you will ever come in contact with.Ask me anything that has to do with how i feel and ill end up arguing with myself. Just one big contradiction you see. Theres a part of me who's great at making friends, wants to take risks, have a good time and laugh like a loonie. And that persons great. Theres another part of me who's the epitome of all things depressed and cynical. That person doesn't have a will to live and cant really function. All she wants to do is sleep or cry and sulk. These parts battle like crazy. Nothings straight forward. ill be in the middle of laughing and the depressed part of me will shake me up and bring me back down to whatever dark pit i was born from. I think about my dads suicide alot. Alot. Not in a sad way but i don't know how to describe it. It's like i can see him in that hotel room doing whatever he did. Or i see him as i am when the depressed part of me wins for the day. Almost like i can feel him. My birthdays coming up hip hip hooray. Im going to bamboozle on Saturday which is a gift to myself in a way. Im trying to put myself out there for once. It's my last chance. I have no interest in homework or the amazing amount of regents, tests, and crap i have to do. I mostly just get home and waste the day being panicky about not doing my homework or browsing on line. which reminds me that i have some things to look up.

-Briana