could you remind me of a time?

we went camping over the weekend.
another one of my jumps into happiness that turn out to be an epic fail.

I used to label myself apathetic mostly because i thought it was cool and strong. Strong people don't cry. I guess somewhere along the lines i started believing myself. Its so hard for me to find things amusing. I don't remember the last time i had FUN. real fun the kind of thing that you smile about days after. I don't recall someone asking me how was my day or how i felt and me saying anything more then alright or bad. Whens the last time i felt good?

And i feel empty. Wherever i go. Whoever I'm with. My minds always detached to somewhere else. I could feel the silence at night. It feels like a big part of me is missing and its been gone for a while. And then i start thinking about my depression or my fathers suicide or that couple holding hands nearby and i get sad or envious.

what is fun?