this is the last time i will ever speak of you.

they say you always care for your first love.
i thought it was all a sham up until maybe a week ago.

theres a certain area of Brooklyn i refuse to go to anymore.
i used to be there everyday.
with my friends.
the old me.
those people are still over there.
and maybe I'm hiding.
but their not my friends. there an old ignorant briana's best buds
and i have no clue who she was.

anyway. up to this day i hadnt been there for months maybe years.
but i had to go as a school trip.
and among the bunch of people i unfortunately had to say hello to.
I saw him and immediately turned around. walking briskly down the one way.

but by the time i reached the bus. i wish i hadn't. i wish that i had said hello.
i wish.....i had maybe never seen him at all.
it made me realize i still care about him more than a year later.

Even though hes the opposite of what i want right now.
Even though he is just one of those boys throwing his life away with the gangs and the street life.
I still think he's adorable in every way.
We didn't have a picture perfect young love.. we almost never got to know eachother deeply because he was immature and i thought i was a player of sorts. i just know that once upon a time. We had fun together. Just holding hands. i loved holding his hand.

he said that i was his first love and we'd love each other forever. i was 14 then. im 16 now. and i cant say that statement is entirely false..


trust me. we wont get back together. we probably wont talk again for another year.
And thats great because i know that he doesnt fit in my life anymore. And as i said he is not what i want. but i just wanted to share this. Our secret.