sorry for the last post.
i was just so scared really.

im just not really sure who I am or what.
If im not depressed I feel out of place. And i want to go back there.
I have a very dark part of me that's into death and pain....And i like it. That part knows exactly what it is. Sometimes I actually want to be sick. (I never admit that)
And one that likes to go to shows and dance to techno.....that i dont know much about
And i dont know how to bring those two things together.
I think way too much. WAY TOO MUCH.
it literally makes me break down into tears sometimes.

Then theres the whole being a teenager thing. They say that its normal to be like that and shit so i have to constantly question my actions and feelings because the last thing I want to be is a typical teenage stereotype.
The minds a powerful thing.
I also have no one to talk to. And my mother doesnt even want to acknowledge the other part of me.

blahh blahh enough of that.

School starts on september 7th. Same school for me but different location. i'll be back in flatbush with all its ignorance and memories that i really dont feel apart of. I have no expectations this year. I just need to get my GPA up to a 90 so i can get into a decent college. My mom said "you need to get into a good college...You need to be happy". So im rolling with that. I have to take SAT's this year which is something im not entirely ready for.

But i have to admit that. I have a bad feeling. Like last years things will come back. Who knows.


(holly, thanks alot. when i hear about seattle or go to a starbucks i always think of a girl who sent me a long email out of the blue)