"looking up"

im a complicated individual.
an oxymoron.
i think everyone who blogs is.
why else would we spill our guts out just to reassemble them?

everythings a blur for me. sometimes i just wake up go to school and somehow wind up back home again. Thats not living. Yes, i am 16. and yes i am a child but i have dreams....and i also have a big head full of anxiety and unnescary thoughts. Is it bad that i want to breathe. Or strive for something better.
Meet new people and travel places. Yes? well idk fuck you then.

I love music. I know pretty much everyone says that...but i do. It frees me. It takes me somewhere else. One thing i love most is shows. The feeling of being apart of that crowd. All together singing the same lyrics loving the same band...just being human. The electricity that runs through when your being pushed and pushing back and jumping around singing at the top of your lungs. Thats living. Thats being carefree. people dont know what theyre missing. So at that show tomarrow when i get there at 2 o clock to get barricade...i will let go and free myself and just be what i know i am....a fan. And ill scream the words and hayley will point at me like she does and the world will be ok. i might even cry. ill give myself up to the music and for that 2 or 3 hours i will just be a girl having fun....sweating until my hair turns into an unruly curly mop and my face glistens with sweat. And not caring.

oh p.s my mom went to jamaica today. for some reason i never post trivial things on this blog like exactly what i did today or my friends or anything haha...ill post tomarrow...or technically saturday.