thanksgiving.

well. i heard somewhere that when you get your hopes up the only thing left is dissapointment.
i get dissapointed alot haha. in huge ways and REALLY tiny ways.
i woke up in my grandmas living room on a blown up mattress and listened to the bickerings of a couple in their 70s. i listened to a song and imagined i slow danced with a lovely boy.
then i got up and got around to helping out.
dusting and finding forks and things.
it was the same dinner. same food except for the new addition of asparagus. same people. same jamaicans talking about home and the cowboys.different story.
thanksgiving had been my favorite holiday. because its real. a religious person and a atheist can sit together and give thanks. a gay person and a mormon. it doesnt matter just eat.
i cant help but love a holiday with these principles.
detached.
i always feel detached like im floating along. even sitting in the loveseat waiting for the food to be brought out as i watched krissy yell about how vampires arent brutal enought in todays society and my grandpa sleep while sitting up straight. but there were moments.
like when my aunt was slicing the roast beef and i was laughing uncontrollably because everyone said it looked bad and my aunt was lauging along with me. well even the little things like that redeem this holiday for me. its all about the little things.
so in a way it was a dissapointment because i didnt feel that soul warming happiness i was dreaming off. but all in all i cant complain. i came, i ate, i smiled.

i have nothing to tell you. no budding romances. haha i dont even have a crush and the idea has become a little foreign to me.no adventures or quests even in the least literal way. just recycled feelings. sometimes i think its my fault. i dont put myself out there or im not outgoing enough....but right now i couldnt care less. i have my music for now. but someday soon maybe real soon i would like to be the story teller.

k,bye