Usually in a shitty situation, one can turn to the past and run like wild fire. Communicate with the people who loved you first, put your head on their shoulders, laugh about the good times. Usually in a good circumstance you can meet a stranger and have a lovely time. Maybe find love. Maybe a current friend will surprise you. But i don't really have a choice. The things I do when i don't have school are less than intriguing and that's saying it nicely. It's just me scrolling through tour dates and managing to put a smile on my face for that portion of the day. And it's me looking at my dog running happily up the stairs and hoping that someone can think I'm the beezneez like she does. I'm not complaining but it's kind of like in that TRS song where he says "it doesn't matter if i have a good heart this gets lonely." It's not so much that i hate my life or my friends. I just wish with every fiber of my being that i could go back for a minute and have picked another high school. That one choice would've changed everything for me. Everything. But what can I do? I'm a junior now, already preparing to take this fuckery SAT already trying to not make that same mistake in college. Still, I can;t help but feel down and know that these last couple of years were complete shit.
Music is absolutely everything to me. It never ever disappoints and it's always there to envelope me and put a smile on my mouth. Every time I hear it I know that I need to be involved in it for the rest of my life in some shape or form. But I do wish that when I looked to my side I found a smile as big as mine or some flailing arms or moving hips instead of the typical bored expression i find. I'm trying to live but even in a crowd I'm reminded that this isn't my life. And though this singers talking to me and saying I'm cute, in the morning I'll be wishing I could've paused time and stayed there for a while longer. It's music that makes me know somethings worth living for.
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