I remember those summers in Jamaica. In the villas looking around and feeling so extremely bored. It was too hot, I wanted to go home, fuck. But now I wish I could go back again and walk around. Really appreciate my people. The real thing and not the diluted version i see everyday. I miss that weird smell of a burning forest. I miss that acre of land and looking up at the coconuts. I miss the air and the horse rides. I would do anything to hear all those noises in the light.

Sometimes it's amazing how we grow. One day were all self righteous and uppity. we solemnly swear that will never run in a safe zone or we only eat red skittles. Two years later you're out partying hard. Sometimes I just watch everything fly away from me. All these things I used to pride myself in vanish. parties, reggae, and soca? please spare me. It's kind of like one day I woke up and realized I'm not the same person anymore and that I was trying to hard to run away from it. Now I don't care really. Suddenly California is way too far and all of a sudden I don't see how the earth will smile down on me over there. Out of the blue I could care less about what I'm wearing. Theres only one old thing I hold onto nowadays anyway...

It's like you're everything and everyone. All these boys look like you. I swear they do. I see a boy with a crooked walk and immediately I think about things; it has to be you but it's not. I kind of never want to see you again but I know its not true. I hear you're changing and showing everyone just how sweet I always knew you were. I hope your doing well and I hope your feeling things. I hope one of us is okay. I hope your okay.