I guess it is possible to just wake up one day and feel completely changed. Maybe it's possible to really look inside yourself and observe all the flaws you try to hide. I always wanted to run away and live in California or Boston; I thought it would change everything. I thought I could escape all these problems, all these thoughts, I guess I was just trying to run away from myself. It's pretty insane how much you can reevaluate things once you've had a good day. A day free of disappointment and distraction. A day away from your thoughts. I know I have good intentions, and maybe my soul isn't completely shitty but overall my nerves can be the death of me and I'm realizing it more than ever. Every time I'm in a mall or any crowded place besides a show I start to get very hot and sweaty and nervous and whenever I'm supposed to meet someone I get so bloody anxious that i often cancel the whole plan. I'm just so used to getting my hopes up that I always prepare myself for disappointment and now I've figured out that running hides the pain. My personality isn't the best, sometimes I'm just a miserable person to be around. I haven't quite figured out if that's just how I am or me being so overwhelmed with all the thoughts that run past my head.But there are good days and I know that now.

So I'm taking this time to really explore myself and face all the things I've been running from. More time away from my room and outside walking around and trying new things; maybe meeting new people. Time to Learn to Breathe.There's a million possibilities out there and i'm sure the world can spare a couple to me.