Break/Breakthrough

It's been a lot of highs and lows lately. I've been telling myself to persevere daily. I feel greatly and I care too much. Sometimes you have to look at your life and your soul and tell yourself to get the fuck over everything that you feel. There's no better time then now to do so. I need to let go of the anger and sadness and forget the void. I need to ignore loneliness. I'm realizing that it's less of a problem whether or not my friend is standing next to me at a show because in the same light that's not the person who understands the greatness of music.That's not the person i wish to experience things with. I'm just afraid to do it alone and that understanding scares the crap out of me. I know my downfalls and my shortcomings. I am not outgoing. I get anxiety attacks just thinking about being pushed into a world where networking will be my life. I'm so afraid to fail. There's nothing stable about going into the music industry. There is no handbook on how to take this culture by the balls and kick ass in it. There's barely a definition on being a tour manager or a promoter. It's all about doing what I hate which is putting myself out there.But it's inevitably something i have to strive on through. It's something that I'm going to have to change for. I need to grow up.

So with almost no friends and not one person who will find me and tell me that i'm capable I'm moving forward. There's high probability i will be going to Warped alone now. I have to say fuck it and still carry on with my plans to take full advantage of it. My internship at Warner/Doghouse Records begins on Monday and i'm both scared shitless and extremely proud of myself.

Everyone likes music and I've already made it a point to say that i am in love with rock n roll. But at the end of the day I love this because it makes me live and forces me to be strong and not go back down to everything i just came out of. Because to be honest I'm completely comfortably staying in my room for days, running my blog, and playing sims. I really am. I'm so introverted it's insane. Music makes me want to have friends, makes me want to be a part of something bigger than myself. It makes me feel less alone.Everything that's going on right now is terrifying but it's a good kind. It's like moving to another country where you don't know a soul. It's so uncomfortable and you're stripped of everything but in the end you know that there's so many people to meet and places to go. I only hope that when I go there will be some amazing people when I get to my destination.

-b