i don't care if anyone listens.

I don't care if anyone listens to a word I say these days and I mean it/

I want my words to run like rain drops. It's too much trouble to make them gain weight.

It's me who knows how I live and how I interact. It's me who knows how completely obscure I am.

It is I that doesn't care.

These days I'm so busy that I don't have to think at all. I like being the only intern and I enjoy working real real hard. I liked that girl talk I had with my boss today. I love Matt's jokes. I like Emily's small banter and the way her office always smells like perfume. I like the way Dirk is quiet and to himself but very sweet and relatable. I like that Adam is so hell bent on finding things and I like that he thinks I understand half the things he says. Most importantly I like hanging out with Conway because I think the sun shines out his ass and I don't think I've ever met someone who loved music as much as I did until he spoke to me.

I work all day and sometimes in the night and my brain is clear. My mind is full of goals and longing and dreams. I like it all very much. Sometimes in the night I feel that soft return as I go to bed. That little gnawing in my head telling me that this isn't real and that I'm too far gone.

Music makes the worries stop. Music makes me unafraid to be alone. It makes me get the fuck over myself and it helps me let go of people who forget me or lose themselves.

I've never met someone who was as driven as me. Never met a person who loved music so much that they wanted to make it their lives but suddenly I'm home on the 23rd floor with the rest of the office. I realize that I can do it and I know that I'm not too far from selling my soul to the open road.

I'll be okay. Don't find me.