Swim // Jack's Mannequin

I don't know why but I really find the time between twilight and daylight the most enjoyable. I have no idea why it's so easy to think and breathe at 3 in the morning nor do I know why I feel more alive when everyone else is sleeping.

I could talk about how I helped out at The Ready Set's video shoot. I could go on and on about how i conquered my fears and kicked ass on my own. Or I could talk about the night I went to see Gabriel The Marine and sort of fell in some sort of far fetched love with the violinist. I could talk about how I've listened to Mumford & Sons Sigh No More an unhealthy number of times....or I could comment on how I'll be seeing Circa Survive in all their glory at the end of the month but none of that really seems important. It's important in my mind and my character but I don't feel the need to brag. Not even to myself.

I've learned more than anything that you just have to keep on fighting the good fight. Sometimes you have to treat yourself, maybe order some high strung drink at a coffee shop or spend way too much on merch from your favorite band. I've learned that band members are people and they're capable of holding normal conversations and having decent lives. It's not easy.....fuck, it isn't easy. Sometimes I just want to combust. Sometimes I just want to give in.

Really, at least for me life is a series of work. Tireless, demanding work that doesn't loosen it's grip and oppresses you. Life is made of routines and schedules.....at least if you're "living right". The only reason we actually carry through is because in all that oppression and self-hate there was one good moment.....just one faint glimpse of something inspiring and passionate that helps make the load easier. For me it was that time I cut school and sat on the rocks under the bridge at Jay Street on my own after eating a very delicious omelet. I listened to "Learning To Breathe", I remember. For me it was that time that the violinist gave me a hug after I stood around all day waiting for his band to play. For me it was that time when I came into the office after a shitty fucking morning and everyone looked up and said "Hey Bri!" as if I was meant to come in....like the whole set up was incomplete without my body slouched over that desk in the back.

I've learned to let people go. I'm learning to let people in.

I swim.

I guess the only thing left to do is to wait for love to grace me. I know it will be one amazing embrace. I'm hoping it will be the violinist....but then again I fall in love with pretty much every band member who gives a shit and lends a hug.