for the last 20 minutes I've been having a combination of thoughts. One of these thoughts was finding ways to get more people to my blog. After this thought i realized another two things.

1. umm how desperate is that?

2.who cares this blog is supposed to be for me and it doesn't matter how many followers i get or not because it's become clear to me that I'm socially retarded.

So heres everything you should know about me.

• Boys? Technically I've probably had 3 boyfriends in my entire life. I thought I was in love with whoever I was dealing with. I've come to find out over time that none of that was love. As of right now, I want a romance. Something real. Maybe someone who makes my life a little less complicated and black. A person who I can learn new things with, go places, and enjoy this city i live in with.It's hard just finding a good friend but finding a boyfriend is way harder. I have a lot of specifications but I'd be happy just to find a boy who's somewhat attractive, not ignorant, open to new things, and thinks the sun shines out my ass. BUTTT if i could get everything i want??? You're typical emo kid who rocks out on a bass guitar loves thai food or something weird and loves having deep convos or a more sweet indie guy who plays the acoustic guitar and writes alot. I doubt I'll find any of that anytime soon. But maybe someday.


• Me? After looking back on my short teenage life I've realized that I change every year. Three years ago all i listened to was hip-hop and reggae and was always up for reckless fun. I'm not that girl anymore but the one thing i do miss about her is the fact that she was happy and had a bunch of friends. Slowly I've morphed into whatever I am now, a girl who wears eye make up listens to screamo and everything labeled rock and goes to Barnes and Nobles once a week who feels like shit 24/7.The kind of girl who gets asked if it's Halloween. I don't dress in black all day and i don't cut myself but somewhere in between there i find myself. I've been called a scene kid because of a few items in my closet but i don't think that's me. I don't have enough fun in me to say things like "That's the sex!". I really don't know where i fit in or who i am and I'm not pretending to. I'm starting to learn that "cliques" is a pack of bull.


• Friends and Family? I used to have a close group of friends who slowly distanced themselves through different high schools. Overall i had always kept a best friend and it seems like i don't have that either right now. So i have 2 friends now and sometimes i don't even call them that. There's a lot i wish to tell them but i know it would hurt their feelings. I've always did my best trying to be a good friend and i was never returned the favor. I'd love to meet new people but that's really difficult with the school i go to and the borough i live in, So for now friends are a commodity. My family is small and filled with people who barely see each other. Not an interesting topic. Moving on....


• School and Brooklyn? i hate school and Ive hated it from the first week last year when i first came. Maybe if i had been the same person two years ago I would've made a better choice.It's a small school so everyone pretty much knows each other.My schools full of kids i can't relate to, kids who are always loud and ignorant. Everyday i wish i went to another school in Manhattan with different people. Everyday.Brooklyn is pretty much the same to me. The same old routine and the same old people....
• I have a lot of dreams and they change constantly. Right now i love anything to do with English. i love novels and expressing myself. I wish i was good at photography but that's just another faded wish. I wish i was an awesome dancer or i could play the guitar. I wish i could meet Paramore. I wish many things, some of them very simple like friends and seems like they never happen or progress.

That's me in a nutshell. or whatever that dumb analogy means