for those of you who actually care to read my blog i have something interesting to say.
I wont go over the small details but from wednesday i havent slept in my own bed or even been allowed to walk outside.
WHY?

because i was admitted to the emergency room from my psychiatrists who actually took me seriously. I stayed at a hospital in downtown brooklyn and met alot of awesome people and even better psychiatrist who helped me feel like i was normal. They didnt think i was attention hungry, naive, or dumb like those few people i care to share my life with. They knew i was depressed. After spending the night there i was transferred to Holliswood which is a psychiatric hospital.

Day 1


i arrived to the hospital on a stretcher that apparently is required. I was joking with the ambulance workers and for a second i got caught up in my own little sick fairytale. Truth is i wished i could live one of the lives of the people i read about. They have a problem go to a psych ward and gain a bunch of friends who are insane but perhaps the most wonderful people in the world. In reality it's not like that. I came in on thursday night and was promptly stripped of everything. That means everything. No shoelaces, earring, strings of any sort, electronics, hair pins, etc. From then i knew this was no sick fairytale. I came up to my unit(3North) and nearly died of an anxiety attack rite there. It looked like a jungle of kids running around and calling me the new girl. Truth is i was nervous out of my mind and wondered what id gotten myself into. I got a room by myself that consisted of one bed, a window, some drawers, and a bathroom. Nothing more, nothing less.

For some reason i don't want to tell about everyday i spent there. It's pretty much a virgin version of jail. Your stuck in a room all day and when you get out of hand your restrained on the floor and given "booty juice" or a sedative in your ass. Sounds real funny i know but it's not because I've seen it and it isn't pleasant at all. I was put on lexapro on the third day and it made me feel better. I met alot of kids who came from unfortunate back rounds ans some had been there for months or longer. It opened my eyes to something. I wont ever forget those days i spent there.


i met a little girl named sonia gomez. She's ten and i look to her as a little sister. i hope she gets out real soon and i hope to hang out with her after and be a part of her life.
it's a shame i had to go through alll of this just to get one small white pill. Thats all i asked for to start with. Im now coming to terms with who i am when im not depressed and ill post something new when i get my head straight.