i have to much time by myself.

So here i am.
Today i was trying to remember good times in my life and i didn't come up with alot. i know Ive had some fun times but they just seem so vague. In fact the whole year of 2008 seems like one big fat blob of confusion. I have to pinch my self just to make sure I'm breathing. It's like I'm watching myself on TV or something. I'm in the back round, either I'm walking behind my "friends" or I'm walking behind my mother and if im not walking behind someone im walking alone. And i hate it. I used to be a free spirit, i used to love laughing and going out. Now all i want to do is stay in my bed and hopefully die a painless and quiet death but hey who's listening.

On another note. My mother is extremely annoying. She just comes within walking distance of me and it pisses me off. She's a show off and we couldn't be more different. I love her and after all she's my mother. But i can't shake the feeling that i don't like her in a complex way. It's not like we had an argument and I'm screaming "I don't like my mother" because that's a bit understandable. But this is more.....and I'm pretty sure it will only get worse after the marriage and a bunch of other unfortunate events.


I'm constantly wanting to do something or go somewhere else. I really want a fresh start in every way and i have no clue why. The only thing is theres always something holding me back and it's killing me. I want to move to a place where i have the chance to meet new friends, hot guys, and make memories, But i can't do that because I'd miss the city or I wouldn't be able to go to shows or blah blah blah. I want to transfer schools but i cant do that either because my school has so many bloody "opportunity's" and shit. I just can't do anything....
I can't feel any better because no body's really taking me seriously.
I can't feel better because obviously anti-depressants are out of the question for my "dashing eclectic intelligence"
I can't be happy because i have sucky people around me...
And I'm stuck.
And I'm sick of it all.
The phrase "Let me go" never sounded better.

Imagine me 5 years from now cuz write now i cant even begin t o picture myself here for another week