When you get comfortable with someway of feeling it's hard to let it go even if it's painful to start. Im so used to sulking and feeling like shit it's hard to know how to feel any other way. When i do take pills it makes my mind race and my cycling gets like 10x faster and i feel like my heads going to explode.
alot of shit is changing...
im scared of regrets, im scared of change, im scared of regrets i have yet to make.
im scared of going to the wrong college. im scared of never getting married. im scared of never finding a boyfriend. im scared of dying. im scared of living. im scared of not having any friends. im scared of myself
yesterday my mom told me my dad actually commited suicide. My whole life ive been told it was a heart attack.
how do i feel?
a bit tainted. it gives me a couple answers. shows me that thats how i could end up. upset that he left me here when we could have talked about these things at least.....
somedays I just want to cry but im afraid one tear will wash me away
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