I read in a magazine that childhood is nothing more than a place we search to fine. I thought this was pretty profound so I told my mother and she did nothing but make a face and say that the quote made no sense. She says I have an old spirit but I think I have an old mind. I feel like a grandmother, constantly reminiscing about the past and the good times and I don’t even think I can remember it clearly anymore. Did I actually go out with that boy?Did I even really hang out with those girls? It kind of scares me because ive always kept those memories fresh in my mind by replaying them over and over again and suddenly its like they’ve been rubbed away. This time is so confusing to me. My thoughts are running wild and I cant sleep. Last night I fell asleep at 5 in the morning because I couldn’t stop thinking about the what if’s. I guess subconsciously I feel that my life is over. Like my childhood and youth is finished and that im nothing more than a waste. Im always thinking about college or what job I want or what my interests actually are and I shouldn’t. I have two years to think about these things and my mind cant grasp it. I just feel helpless and I don’t have anyone to talk to because I “fired” my therapist and my friends and mother wont understand…..shit my brain is hurting