It's hard. It's hard knowing that I might just be working my ass off for nothing.
It's harder to be alone.
Sometimes I just want to know if I even have the potential....even the faintest chance of being loved and I know that's silly but I just want one guy that I find attractive to tell me I'm pretty.
Not that he's in love, not to ask me on a date or comment on my hair.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if it's something I'm doing wrong
The last time I was kissed I was probably around 15 and that's just....just....god, I don't even know. Sometimes I talk to bands like The Ready Set for example and I have their complete attention for a while and I just wonder if I'm even remotely attractive to them or if I'm just this random black girl that's managed to find her way in through the back door. That is all I want to know....you have no idea.
And even though I won't ever admit it I really do believe in love and the power it holds. I like the idea of holding hands and just talking to someone who actually gives more than a fuck. Sometimes I think I'm waiting for one person to come around so I can finally talk again and really have someone know me for the first time in years.
It's all really sad and embarrassing and even though no one I know will ever read this I still can't exactly express how I feel about being so alone and questionable. I hate that I'm so numb and bitter.
I just want someone to like me for once......and I wish that I could like them back and we could just fucking start at the very fucking bottom and work to the top. I just want someone who believes in me and doesn't give up like every other shit face that managed to hold my attention before they became a waste of time.
When? or Ever..
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